I've been thinking alot about sin lately.
Strange? I kind of thought it was.
But I've been tossing so many ideas surronding the idea of sin in my head that if I don't write them out I might drown in them.

For so long, I've tried to atone for my past mistakes. I've tried to be kind, compassionate, loving, sweet. I've tried to make things as easy for everyone as I can. I've tried to be as much as I could be, hoping that it would make up for the times when I missed the boat completely.

Granted, I never really thought about it in that light. I never realized what exactly I was doing. I never realized that when I always took the backseat, or offered to buy dinner, or do the dishes- that what I was really trying to do was even the score. Right all the wrong I've brought into the universe.

I knew- theorectically and logically- that I was forgiven. I have been told and told countless others that when God forgives, He redeems. He makes it better than we were before. But I honestly have to admit that I was never really living into that truth in my life.

So I've been grappling with sin. And here's where I've landed.

Sin is not a list of rules that I've broken. Sin is not a list of specific actions I've done to wrong my brother. Sin is not a score card.

Sin is when I live outside the boundaries God has placed for me to keep me safe. Sin is when I act in ways that is disrespecting of the love that God has given me. Sin is when I forget who I am and Whose I am.

And because sin is so much more than broken rules, there is no way I can ever make it right. There is no way I can repay the debt. There is no way that I can live like I deserve what I already have received.

That's the beauty of grace. When we've wandered out past the barriers God has placed around us for our security, grace is what comes out to get us. Grace is what ushers us back in- telling us that we have been missed. Grace is what makes it seem like we have never wandered at all.

Sin isn't about breaking rules. Sin is about actions that break God's heart. Sin is about living in a way that is in contrast to the beauty God has planned for us.