How is it, that the only thing that can hurt more than words is the lack of them?

The rest of DC

The rest of the week in DC was great. Monday we did more museums and Union Station. Then that night I met up with Emily and Emilee for dinner and good old fashioned girl talk. Then Tuesday we met with Senators from TN and toured the capital. Had a great conversation with a Lt. General who used to live in Crossville. Such a cool guy. Then toured the monuments, Arlington Cemetary, and walked around the White House. Hung out at Georgetown. Basically saw all that we could see. Enjoyed every second of it.

Although, seeing all the memorials and Arlington always produces some lingering sadness. It seems that we will never learn. The human race is capable of such much hurt and we just continue to inflict it upon each other. How can people capable of so much love and goodness, continually in situations with so much death attached to it?

Then again maybe we are learning. We went past the Holocaust museum and they are using this museum as a tool to raise awareness for the situation in Darfur. So its possible that maybe we are learning from our past mistakes and growing from them. That we see what price was paid in the past and are starting to strive to make sure that it never has to be paid at that high a level again.

I think that I just realized how important to me it is to make sure that I can see my sister grow up and my children be raised in a world where there won't be a need for a memoral for thousands of people or a wall with name after name after name of people who paid the ultimate price for that freedom.

Of course, I realize that what I want is the kingdom of God upon earth. And if I'm not working to make that happen more fully, I am only keeping it from happening.

DC- Day 2

"Courage is the price life exacts for granting freedom..." - Amelia Earheart

Spent the day at the Smithsonians- Air and Space as well as Natural History. Brief stop in Chinatown for a burger (I know how weird that sounds) then finished the day at the International Spy Museum (which is as cool as it sounds) Perfect first day!

Because you're mine, I walk the line (the Mason-Dixon Line)

Day 1- Washington, DC

Last night we went to eat dinner. And at dinner- like any ordinary person- my mother ordered sweet tea. And this is what transpired:

Mom: Sweet tea, please

Waiter: It's just tea

Me: That's right- we are in the north now. We'll have to sweeten it ourselves.

Waiter: We're not north. Technically, we're below the Mason-Dixon line...

I'm sorry- but everyone know... Mason-Dixon line is not the deciding factor that determines whether you are a northern or southern state or not.... If you serve Sweet and Unsweet tea in a restaurant- you are a southern state. If you only serve "tea"- face it, your a northern state. 

Darn Yankees. 

Row A, Seats 1,2

A little while ago, I heard a talk, lecture, whatever you want to call it about the voices in our heads. Now I know most of you are thinking I am talking about the "crazy" voices some of you suspect I hear but actually I'm not. I am talking about the people who, for better or worse, have spoken into our lives and have left some kind of imprint on us. So that when things happen or situations arise we hear their voices and words inside of us. The person who was talking about this called these people "The People on Your Bus."

Ever since then I've been kind of working through the people on my bus and how they got there and considering whether they should get to keep their spot on my bus or not.

So I've decided the next few blogs I am going to publically work through some of the people on my bus. Kind of a tribute to people who have earned the right to not only be on the bus- but get first class seating.

So starting- (and in no particular order....)

THE MEEZS

(Emilee Warner, Emily Hill, and obviously Me: Modeling our non existent engagement rings)

Now Emilee Warner and Emily Hill have been my friends for a loooong time. We are talking, Emily Hill is one of the first friends I can remember having and Emilee Warner, well she is familiy. These girls are not only gorgeous, but soooo much fun. They are both are incredibly brillant at what they do (Warner- works at CMT and owns some kind of her own company, Hill- works (appropriately) on the Hill in DC). They are vivacious, courageous, and incredibly compassionate people. These are girls who I know can face my faults and love me inspite of them. They can call me out on my crap, and they will, all the while reminding me of who I am inspite of that. We are more than friends, these girls are family.

Both of their voices are in my heads when I get discouraged or fed up with crap from people. These girls always remind me that I shouldn't settle and that I shouldn't put up with stuff that I don't deserve. In other words, these are the girls who remind me that sometimes I just need man up and draw the line. Girl power (and all that jazz)

And the best news yet: I get to see both these girls in exactly a week from right now. Where we will have our traditional Mexican feast on Capital Hill. Oh yeah!

"Learn to wish everything comes to pass exactly as it does..."

-Epictetus

Countdowns....

10 things I've done today: worshipped, read a book, prayed, taughted, licked stamps, made soup, pressed snooze 2 times, drank a pot of coffee, listened to Flogging Molly, wrote 17 postcards

9 people I've spent quality time with in the past week: Shelley, Jamie, Jade, Chelsea, Martin, Momma, Granny, The Newtons, Amanda Lay

8 movies I highly reccomend: The Bourne Identity, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Harry Potter, The Emperor's New Groove, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Beaches, Mrs.Doubtfire, Over the Hedge

7 favorite books: Atlas Shrugged- Ayn Rand, East of Eden- Steinbeck, The Giver-Lowry, Jacob Have I Loved (?), In Search of God Knows What- Miller, Anne of Green Gables- Montgomery, Nineteen Minutes-Piccoult

6 things I need to do: start packing for DC, write my act of care paper, copy music for Sunday, finish putting away my laundary, carry the box of easter eggs to the children's wing, return phone calls

5 things that I am looking forward to: DC with the family (especially the spy museum), 30 Hour Famine with my kids, figuring out what the immediate future looks like, seeing my dad's new house, another sunny day

4 emtions I've felt today: happiness, annoyance, humility, anticipation

3 things that never fail to make me smile: sunrises, hugs, mexican food

2 current annoyances: insomnia, cold weather (life is pretty good when all you have to complain about it the weather)

1 goal for the week: finish Sunday school curriculum for the summer (Exciting, I know!)

Why Not?

Your heart is racing, who are you standing next to?
I'm too Bristow for my heart to race.... (or not.) Probably my elementary school boyfriend. He has always made my heart race. :)

Something you hate more than anything?
Hate is a strong word. But it really irks me when people unload the dishes from the dishwasher and leave them on the counter without putting them UP. That is my current gripe. Trite, I know.

You’re standing on the edge of the cliff, who are your last goodbyes to?
Why would I be standing on the edge of a cliff? And if I was on the edge of a cliff and in the position that I needed to say last goodbyes- instead of saying them I would be making sure I didn't have to say them- i.e., I would be getting myself off the edge of a cliff.

What’s one business you’d start if you could?
I'd open a coffee shop/book store/cafe.... complete with Christmas lights on the porch and a hammock on the patio and really comfy chairs

Tears are falling from your face, what’s the reason?
Eh...tears are my go too emotion. So I could be really happy or really sad or angry or frustrated or laughing....

Your phone rings, who are you expecting?
No one right now... so it'd be a surprise.

You go into walmart and have $20 to spend, what do you buy?
chapstick, water gun, disposable camera, popsicles...

You’re sitting at home bored, who do you call?
I don't call. I read a book or go to the park. OR I call Chelsea for some girl talk.

You’re walking down the street with your love, where are you going?
More like, I'm walking down the street LOOKING for my love.

What are you going to do this weekend?
spring cleaning, babysit, road trip, movie, church, meeting with staff parish, homework

What are you excited about?
DC with the family next week!

If an unstoppable force comes across an unmovable object then what happens?
A pretty good action movie plot

Who was the last person to call/text you unexpectedly?
Alex

Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
Kinda of have to be in my job. But outside of "work" so to speak, it really depends on the person asking and the intention behind the question

Have you ever envisioned your own wedding?
I'm a girl, I live with someone who is planning her wedding, and I've been in about 5 weddings- you do the math: my wedding plan- ELOPE!

Who will you be with Saturday night?
Shelley and Jamie?

What woke you up this morning?
the doorbell (for the record- was unaware our doorbell worked)

If you took a drug test would you pass it?
unless tylenol pm messes that up

Is tomorrow going to be a good night?
of course it is

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Sure did. I babysat so lots of sweet baby hugs and kisses.

Who do you wish you were with right now?
Great question...

How many speeding tickets do you have?
Nada

What are you doing today?
Oh dear- I cleaned like I've never cleaned before... I don't know what got into me... my closets are sooooo organized its sick. I did laundry. I groceried shopped. I babysat a two year old and a 9 week old.

If you had one whole day to yourself, what would you do?
Apparently- I would clean. Other than that, take a book to the park, hike, cook something.

Are you in a good mood?
Sure. Except this show I am watching is stressing me out a little.....

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nope...

What makes you happy?
Simple things- talking to my mom, hearing my little sister play the piano, snuggling, vanilla ice cream cones, rain puddles, daisies, flip flops, sunshine, driving with the music on and windows down, hugs, happy endings.

One wish?
....kingdom of God to happen more fully here on earth...

Next concert?
Great question- um. ??? Suggestions?

Was your last kiss a mistake?
Even if it was, I can't undo it.

When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
eh 48 hours ago?

If the world was to end tomorrow, what would you be doing right now?
Having some serious conversations with some people....

I've never cared for stop signs...

I have the world's worst habit of absolutely just ignoring stop signs...For some reason those great little red octagonal signs with 4 white letters on them have never done anything to slow me down or stop me.... Ihave the slightest tendency just to breeze right by them... I think part of the problem is that I hate having to slow down when I have a destination in mind and idle while I wait for my turn to go or watch other people go on through the intersection while I have to sit there and wait paitently for the right time to go... it irks me. And sometimes I just block out the fact that the stop sign is there and go through anyway. And this has always gotten me in quite a bit of trouble...(and can be fairly dangerous)

Sometimes I feel like this is an excellent parallel for my life right now. I am approaching one of those great intersections of life where the direction/choices I chooose will irrevocably effect the ultimate direction of my life. And I have absolutely no idea which street to turn down. I mean I know I want to keep driving and I am comfortable in the car I am now...but I'm not sure which road to take to get me to where I want to go...actually it would be safe to say that I might not actually know where I am going to end up (well someday heaven, but there is [hopefully] quite a bit of traveling to be done between now and then)... So its hard for me to know which road to take...

I think part of me knows that its inevitable that as I approach this intersection that I am going to find myself confronted with a stop sign. In my heart, I know I am being told to stop and spend some time in the "idle" stage and patiently wait until a path becomes clear...

But like I mentioned before....I've never been very good with stop signs. And right now- as I am review the possible roads which I can turn down- my heart is actually holding pretty steady in neutral. So far nothing has made me wonder what that particular road would look like a little further down it.... And I know I can't stay on the road I am currently on.

So I guess my only choice is to sit at the stop sign and wait for my cue to move. Because I know the trouble that can happen when you run through stop signs and the danger it can bring.


"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him..." Psalm 37.7

Silly Sounds I love to Hear

beCause I am in a ridiCulous mood today and Contemplating ridiCulous things, I will now Compose a list of sounds I love to hear:

1. babies when they have the hiCCups...hysteriCal
2. popping the air out of the rolls of packing bubble wrap
3. my dog tucker when he is growling but he doesn't want anyone to hear him....he fades in and out with growls...its greeeaattt
4. the sounds of about 20 kids playing any kind of game
5. my dad talking in his donald duCk voice...made laugh when I was three, still makes me laugh now that I am twenty-three
6. guitars...anytime any kind
7. the mandolin
8. ok, we should go ahead and say stringed instruments...and perCussion...okay musiC in general
9. my little sisters voiCe when she gets surprised...it goes up like 12 oCtaves
10. the sound of a familar voiCe when i answer my phone

Living With, Not Dying From

I was talking to a good friend of mine last night and she was telling me about what she was learning in school Now understand that she is a graduate student studying some form of biology and spends her days studying fish and bugs and rivers...so cool.

Anyway, she was telling me about this thing called the fluid dynamics of rivers. This is a throwback to the idea that rivers are never static or stuck in the same state- they are dynamic or ever-chaning. Meaning that at any given time the river is silmultaneously being emptyed and refilled with water. Its experiencing being drained and filled. At any given moment the river is essentially dying and being given life. And apparently this dynamic is what gives rivers their force and flow strength-essential their power to continue on.

And I thought how appropriate of an analogy that was for life. At any given time we are all experincing life and death. Not just physically but spiritually. Things happen and they are hard and horrible. And they seem to drain the life out of our souls- but at that same time we have the ability in that moment to experience peace and joy- essentially experiencing life.

And then there is the idea that we must consistently be in the state of dying to self so that we can live with Christ.

Why is it that in order to grow and move and continue to have life there must be this continual trade off? That there does have to be a certain loss or death in order to gain a new life? We must be willing to risk one thing to gain another.

I wonder what the world would look life if we all lived like this. If we died to self, to live with Love.

If we died to selfish ambition, to live with social justice.
If we died to judment, to live with acceptance and compassion.
If we died to the cancer of self, to experience a new kind of self-love.
If we died to despair, and lived with hope instead.
If we died to anxiety and depression and lived in the realm of shalom.

I think it be a whole new kind of world if we learned how to live with things instead of die from them.

So maybe what I am trying to say is that the "Fluid dynamics" of life is really the idea of God's redemption and restoration. That before you can experience redemption, you have to experience something to be redeemed from. Before you can be restored, you have to be destroyed.

So may we learn to view the broken places, the heart aches, the times of questioning and deep pain, as a chance to be rebuilt, healed, and given new life of assurance and peace. May we learn to live within the fluid dynamics of the river that is life.