I never really considered that it might not be about me. I guess that's fairly self-centered of me, but it's the truth. I always assumed that it was dependent upon me and where I was at.

Let me back up. You see, for awhile now, I have been considering that it might be time for me to end this chapter in my life and start the next. I've been considering what it would mean for me to leave my job and the town I now live in. I have been praying and searching for an answer to this situation and not quite finding peace.

A part of me knows that I have learned what I can in this situation and that I have grown so much. And that part seriously considered it time to move on. To find the next challenge, the next adventure. But there was another part of me, not as strong, but just strong enough to keep me hesitating. To keep me praying for confidence and assurance in this decision. For God to let me know when I was ready to move on.

But I never considered that it wasn't about me. But you see, when you pray, God answers. That's the insane part. You always get your answer- you may not like it- but you get it.

A situation has emerged in my life (not exactly in my life, but in the people's lives whom I love dearly in my current situation and therefore my life is wrapped up in this situation) and this situation was like a fist to the face. It was a clear answer that it was not time for me to move on. That until this situation resolves, I have to stay where I'm not. That I may be ready to move on, but other people need me to stay.

I never considered that maybe my life, and my call, was not about me. That is was more about others. That my life- all my experiences, emotions, training, friendship, relationships, heartaches- that all of that have formed who I am so that I am perfectly prepared to stand by, for, and in front of these loved ones of mine during this time. That until there is resolution, I can use the talent I've been given to comfort, to encourage, to protect, to defend, to simply walk through this with them. And to be honest, I know in my heart that is why I never found perfect peace in leaving before.

Its like the trees in autumn. The tree itself can actually be biologically ready to change colors weeks before they do. For its not just about the tree and the trees readiness. Its about the environment. Its about the temperature of the air, the moisture level. The change from green to red is not just about the tree- but a communal process between the tree, the environment, and the weather.

I may be ready to change, but its not just about me. Its also about those whose life is connected to mine. So eventually change will happen. And the time will come. But at least now I know, its not right now.