"Trust at the mercy of the response it receives is a bogus trust..."- Brennan Manning

I say I have faith. I say I trust God. I say I believe that He is doing what is best for me despite how the situation looks. I pray. I say "thy will be done...". I am good at having the words. But at the end of the day, the words are nothing if not back up by action.

How many times at the end of the day, somewhere in the deep caverns of my heart, do I wonder if God has forgotten me? How many times do I cry because I feel lost or abandoned? How often do the words "When? Why? Where?" spring from my lips? Why do the words of a popular song "Remember your people, remember your children, remember your promise, O God" resound so loudly within my heart?

I say I have faith. But at the end of the day, I question whether God remembers me. I question whether or not He is being Who He has promised to be. I say I trust Him, but I base that trust upon what evidence I can see.

And as Manning points out, that is not trust at all. If I really trusted God, evidence or no evidence, I would put one foot in front of the other unswervingly knowing never fearing or feeling alone. I guess I too often forget that God really owes me nothing.

Cause in the grand scheme of things, God loves me. And that love should be enough. Just the gift of receiving His love, forgiveness, and grace should be enough for me. I should not need anything else. I should want for nothing more. I should trust because His love is the only response I need.

Sometimes, I just need to be reminded of that. Sometimes I need to be reminded that if my faith is based upon evidence, then its not faith at all. Sometimes I feel as if I know nothing about faith or trust at all.