As the Thanksgiving season comes to a close, I realize I have so very much to be thankful for.

I have a home- several in fact. Not just places where I can come to at the end of the day and rest, but places full of love and people who care about me. I have a home in the town where I work, and I have home where my family is. Both are incredibly special and I am so thankful for each of their unique places in my life.

I have a family- and such a special family. I think my family means so much to me because for the most part, the big part of my family didn't have to be my family. My step family have gone from complete strangers to true family. And its so special that these people, most of all my step father, love me. Not because they have to, but because they choose to.

I have a job I love- granted I complain about it, but overall its such a wonderful thing I get to do each and every day. Wake up and participate in people's lives. Spend time with kids and teenagers. I get to plan worship and make music and get paid to do so. Its not a bad gig.

I have a good life. I can see, I can hear, I can feel. I'm incredibly blessed and don't stop often enough to remember that. So I wanted to do that now.

It's a wonderful life! It really is.... It's a Wonderful Life is also one of my absolute favorite Christmas movies... so in honor of the start of the Advent Season:

Top Five Christmas Movies of All Time

1. Its a Wonderful Life
2. Love Actually
3. Holiday Inn
4. Scrooged
5. Home Alone

Love this time of the year!

“Stop right there, that’s exactly where I lost it. See that line, I never should have crossed it.”- Relient K

How many of us really realize exactly where our lives went out of control? Or maybe not even out of control, but just off track? Or maybe even not off track… Life might be right on track and you still might feel like you’ve lost it. Or unsatisfied with life. Or that you have missed the point of it all. Life doesn’t have to awful to be not what you want.
Life can be everything that anyone could ever want it to be, but still not what YOU want it to be. However, we all get caught up in the idea that there is a way our life should look and if it looks that way, we should be satisfied. (OR there is a way you life shouldn’t look and as long as your life doesn’t look like that, then you are ok).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you can wake up, have no major worries, be able to sit in the sunshine enjoying that first cup of morning coffee, and still be slightly dissatisfied. There is more to life than a job. There is more to life than a house. There is more to life than pretty days, even if they are worry free.
Life is more than having it all together and having all the foundational stuff in place. I can have a job that is stable and that loves me and that I rock at, but if when I go home at night I sit in an empty house if I hate my life at that point- then that’s a problem. I am more than my job, my degrees, and my chosen career path. I’d rather be the culmination of the time spent with people I love, dinners shared in a house of laughter, and having someone to talk to at the end of the day.
Yes I want to be good at my job. Yes I want to matter and make a difference with the work I do. But I’d much rather be a good person, a good friend, a good daughter or sister. I’d much rather make a difference by sharing my life with people I love than the people I’m paid to know (that sounds meaner than I mean it).
I love my job. I love how I get to work, where I work , the people I work with. But at the end of the day, I’d rather love my life.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. “


I have always had issues with The 23rd Psalm. I hate to admit it, but it has always slightly annoyed me. I never understood why people used to quote it as comforting and reassuring, when it always left me feel slightly uneasy.

However, I have recently stumbled across what I think might be the problem I have with the 23rd Psalm. You see in the 23rd Psalm the majority of the action verbs are attributed to the Lord and not to me. The LORD- is, makes, leads, restores, leads, with, comfort, prepare, anoints. It is the Lords who works and the Lord who is the one who is making things happen. The only verbs attributed to me are “shall not want, walk, dwell.” None of these verbs are things that take much effort on my part.

You see the problem I have with this Psalm is that it tells me that I am dependent upon God and what God will do. There is little I can do to make things happen in this Psalm. I am dependent upon God for comfort, for goodness, for mercy, and for the still waters. I cannot produce these on my own. The problem with this Psalm is that it highlights how little that I am capable of. It shows me how utterly dependent I am upon God for everything. It reminds me that in spite of all of my intellect, experience, friends, or family, that at the end of the day I am have to rely on God alone to provide and protect. That for someone who tries so hard to be independent and self-reliant, I am actually quite dependent.
This psalm makes me uneasy because it forces me to admit I can’t do this on my own. I can’t be my own supply. I can’t provide for myself. This psalm makes me uneasy because it reminds me that we were created to be dependent on a higher power. That we are like sheep, dependent upon a Shepherd who loves and leads; and that this psalm annoys me because of how amazingly reassuring it is to be told that I don’t have to be independent, self-reliant, or self-sustaining. This Psalm allows me to admit that despite all my ok-ness, that I still need someone to lead, provide, and comfort. And that is how its suppose to be.

Top Five

After two years on my own, I am living with people again. A mom, two teenagers (boy and girl), a dog, and now my cat. And its incredible. Yes its different adjusting to having people around all the time again, but actually quite good for me.

So this week: top five things I love about where I live now:

1. having a cat- I finally got a pet of my own. And its fun. And she purrs. And is cuddley. And follows me around- I like the adoration part.
2. Getting goodnight hugs- LOVE IT!
3. When you cook dinner, there are people there to eat it instead of eating leftovers for days on end.
4. Having coffee made when you wake up in the morning- the mom leaves for work at 6a, about the time when I wake up and there is always coffee ready. I'm going to be spoiled.
5. Cell phone reception! Gone are the days of sitting in the Food Lion parking lot at all hours of the night so I can finish a conversation!

So what started out as a really stressful thing, has turned into something quite lovely. As usual.

How do you put grace into words? Is it really possible to tell someone what grace is? To capture the magnitude and almost indescribable nature of grace in mere words? Can you condense grace into a sermon, or a thirty minute youth lesson?

We are going over basic ideas of faith right now in our youth group. We've talked about sin, forgiveness, love, Christ, and this week we are supposed to be talking about grace. But I'm having trouble capturing this "grace" in a lesson.

Sure, I can pull out the old 3 types of grace- prevenient, sanctifying, and justifying. I can quote Scripture- "it is by grace we have been saved". But how do you really explain to people what grace does? What it is? How it works?

I don't know. I'm going to have to figure it out by Sunday afternoon though. I'm starting with the big three- the big three things that I know about grace.

Grace:

1. is costly- grace costs someone something. If you are the receiver of grace, the person who extended the grace paid a price. If you are the giver of grace, it will cost you. There is always a price with grace. Something that someone loses in order to offer grace up.

2. is undeserved- grace is nothing that we can earn or be worthy of. Grace is not something we can live up to or become deserving of. That is one of the distinct characteristics of grace, it is entirely out of our ability to earn.

3. produces change- you can not receive grace and remain the same. Being the receiver (or the bearer) of grace marks you. Produces a change. You can't experience something that deep and that special and remain the same person you were. Grace always produces a reaction- for every action (grace given/received), there is an equal or opposite reaction (what the person on the other end does with the experience). Its simple physics.


The "easiest" (although its not easy at all) way to learn about grace is to experience it. You can hear about, be taught lessons around it, sing songs about, and even read about it- but until you experience it- you don't really get whats so incredible about it.

An extra hour or two

Lately I have needed more time in the day. But really, what do I need it for?

Top Five Things I Might Do with an Extra Hour in the Day:

1. TAKE A NAP
2. Watch this week's Grey's Anatomy
3. Go ride my bike
4. Nothing- I would sit and do absolutely nothing
5. Call my sisters

The sermon on Sunday was based on scripture in Luke on the Widow's Offering. When she gave all she had which was not much, and Jesus commented on how much she was giving because she gave out of her poverty while other people gave out of her wealth.

I heard the sermon (twice actually) but I heard it in the way that you hear the news as you are getting ready in the morning. You are aware that someone is talking, but you aren't necessarily digesting any of the information.

But later in this week, I've gone back to it. Re-read the scripture. Tried to remember what was said in the sermon. And in my life right now (although the poverty thing I can totally relate to) I don't think that this story is about money for me.

Right now, I'm drained. I'm tired. Worn out. Burnt out. I have very little left to give emotionally. And since I'm not perfect, I'm willing to admit that I've felt a slight bit resentful when people have needed emotional support lately. I can usually squash those sneaky little selfish thoughts down, but still the moments they are there I do feel them.

But maybe, like the widow, when I give out of my poverty- emotional or financial- that means more. Maybe it means so much more when I give support, encouragement, comfort, or whatever when I am empty and dry myself, it makes what I give mean so much more.

O beautiful for heroes proved in liberating strife, who more than self their country loved, and mercy more than life... O beautiful for patriots dream that sees beyond the years thine alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears..." - Bates

I went to a Veteran's Day service earlier today. And it was beautiful and touching.

And I'm reminded of how amazing our freedom is. And how lucky I am that I enjoy this.

In fact, I don't just enjoy my freedom- I take it for granted.

I never think from day to day about having the basic rights.

I just assume that they are my rights.

I don't give a second thought to what to eat, where to go, whether to go back to school, whether to keep my job, move my residence...these are things that are solely my decision.

But for a lot of people in the world, they don't have the basic freedom to make these choices.

And I forget that. And I take the rights that were won for me at a great price and forget what precious treasures they really are.

At the service, a wife of one of the service men made a thought-provoking comment.

"You know, we forget that we are at war. Its like our military is at war,but our country is not."

And I happen to think she is right. And that breaks my heart a little.

I'm not going to get political. I'm not going to share my opinions on the war, the military, and the decisions being made.

But I will say (especially after living in a community 20 miles from a military base for 3 years)

that whether I AGREE with the war or not, there is a war. And therefore, I owe what support I can give to our military. That whether we agree with the decisions being made, we owe our support and love and gratitude to the men and women being ordered to carry out those decisions.

So today, I just want to say that I am so thankful that there are people who can see beyond themselves and serve our country (even when they might agree with what they are fighting for.) I am thankful for the people who value the whole more than the part, even when the part forgets what debt is owed to them.

I am thankful for those who gave up pieces of their freedom and life to secure mine.

Mondays matter even if they are disguised as Wednesdays.

To make this Monday matter: DONATE BOOKS!

-61% of low-income families have no books in their homes.
-43% of adults with the lowest levels of literacy live in poverty.
-55% of children have an increased interest in reading when given books at an early age.

Easy ways to solve this problem:
1. Donate books you will never read again.
2. Donate books that you have had for over 2 years and will never read.
3. Call your school, library, foster organization to see if they need books.

Imagine what it would be like if you couldn't read.

Top Five

I don't have a normal talent. In fact, I'm not sure its entirely useful. Well, I mean its useful. But not useful in the sense that I tell people about it. Normal people, they have athletic abilities, musical abilities, you know- the talents that people can see and admire.

My talent- as much as I love it- is kind of embarrassing. See the thing is, my talent is reading. Not like, yay I can read, but like I read at abnormally fast speeds and maintain/analyze vast quantities of information. Its a geek talent. But I will admit, it helped in school.

Anyway, since reading is my thing, I devour books. I'm not even joking- I read all the time and everything I can get my hands on. Its not uncommon in our family that when we buy a book, I automatically get dibs because I will finish it faster than anyone else.

And I'm not bragging, I'm just stating facts.

ANYWHO- that brings us to yesterday's top five and why its so important to me.

You see reading has always been an escape for me. A stress relief. A place where I can unwind and enjoy someone else's story. And while I read various and lots of books, there are some that I keep going back to. They are like a favorite sweatshirt or a comfort food.

Top Five Books I Read Year after Year:

1. East of Eden- Steinbeck
2. Anne of Green Gables- Montgomery
3. Hamlet- Shakespeare
4. Let Your Life Speak- Palmer
5. The Things They Carried- O'Brien

burn baby burn

Last May, my family's law office burnt. Not all the way to the ground burnt, but burnt as in there was nothing left inside. Basically all that survived were some of the more metal objects and the structure that encompassed what used to be an office. A thriving place of activity and work.

It took years to build up the office. We literally work years on making it what we needed it to be. Situating it so that it we could work within it as best as we could. The basic frame of the office never changed, but the insides changed over and over again. And within a few terrible hours, it was all gone. And there was nothing I could do. Except, that when it was all over, I could help pick up the pieces. Rebuild what once was and helped make it better than before.

Someone once said, "Love is friendship set on fire."

Right now, I feel as if I'm sitting in the middle of the forest fire season in California. To my left are burning acres, and to my right are the acres that have been scorched and left to smolder.

I have two sets of friends. Four people who are fairly significant people in my life who are playing with such fire.

Two of the friends were already best friends when I met them. And as time progressed, their friendship caught fire and grew into something more. Then as quickly as it had begun, their fire burnt out and their friendship became less than it was before. While the fire burnt, it was full of heat and color and was absolutely wonderful. But when it was over, the only thing left was the bare structure. And even that was barely standing.

I have another set of friends. And their friendship is flickering. Its not quite a blaze yet, or even really a flame. But there is heat and its starting to burn. I just don't know what to do.

What keeps one fire burning while another smolders out? What causes one flame to endure while another dwindles into less than before and wrecks its devastation? And what do we do when we are the ones watching things burn?

I guess what I do in this situation is what I did with my family. I wait around and help pick up the pieces. I wait for the fire to burn or not burn, and if things go wrong, I help pick the pieces back up. I support what is still standing. I have faith that what is burning will continue to burn. And that what has burnt up will be able to burn again.

It might not have appeared this way but, I still believe that Mondays matter greatly.



So to catch us up: here are four (three for the ones I missed in Oct and then one for this particular Monday) things to do that will help make your Monday matter more:


1. Protect yourself with Internet Safety- Research shows that the emotional impact of internet identity theft has been parallel with that of victims of a violent crime. Keep yourself from becoming one of the 5,479 that are victimized this way daily.

2. Change Your Lightbulbs- By changing over to a compact flourescnet lightbulb you can save $30 over the life of the bulb and they will last up to 10x longer than your regular bulbs. If every home replaced 5 frequently used lights bulbs with CFL bulbs, close to $8 billion a year in energy costs could be saved.

3. Register to Vote- 71 million eligible voters didn't vote in the 2004 presidential election. That's a shame. Especially considering how hard some people fought for everyone to earn the right to vote and gain a say in how our country is run. Let's change this!

4. PARTY with a purpose- $747 is the average amount spent annually on holiday gifts. Every week there are: 79,623 births, 42, 884 weddings, and 5, 812,037 birthdays! This year if everyone gave up their birthday gifts, more than $3million could be donated to a worthy cause or a charity. So next time you party, party for a cause bigger than yourself!

Sometimes pieces of the sky fall right on our heads. And in the moment, it seems like the worst thing that could possibly happen.

But more often than not, when we pick up the piece of sky and examine it, it turns out to be not as bad as expected.

Sometimes when we are given a piece of news, we react. We immediately assume worse case scenario and freak out.

Then we hear the rest of the story and realize that things are actually going to be ok after all.

So today's top five topic:

Top Five Events that started as bad news and actually turned into good things:

1. My parents divorce- if they had never split, i'd never have gotten the wonderfully amazing complex diverse and large family I have now.
2. When I was told I was getting a little sister- I was so mad. I had been the baby for 7 years. I didn't want anyone else in our family- best thing ever to happen.
3. When a very close friend dropped out of a school program we were doing together- I felt abandoned. Turned out to be the push I needed to grow close with other people.
4. When I got into my first huge and scary fight adult fight with my dad- paved the way for us to be able to talk about the hard things.
5. When I was told last night that the place I currently live is no longer available to me, and I kinda became homeless. In the past 24 hours so many amazing doors have opened and I have seen God's faithfulness in a new and huge way.

Sometimes what starts off as a mess can turn into the most beautiful thing in the world.