adios, au revior, ciao- however you word it, still hurts like hell

Occasionally we get to the see the end as it approaches.

Sometimes, life gives us forewarning for when a conclusion is heading our way. The finale doesn’t take us by surprise every time.

Every now and then, the ending isn’t unexpected and it is something we can prepare for.

And we talk about how hard surprise goodbyes and sudden endings are, but I think there is something to be said for them. Occasionally, I find it easier to deal with and grieve goodbyes when I don’t see them coming and can’t prepare for them. Because then, I have separate, uncluttered grief and I’m working through a situation that is already happened and is past.

If we see endings, if we know they are looming ahead of us, then this sometimes can be a hard way to say goodbye. If we know they are approaching, if we can mark the days off the calendar, if we are able to hear the clock tick our time towards the final scene then occasionally that s harder to live with than a quick tragic ending.

For, how do you really prepare to say goodbye? How do you learn to navigate the ending of something? How do you get ready for something to cease, to stop being? Is there any way to prepare for that? How do you ready your heart to be broken? How do you continue to move forward day after day, knowing that each day moves you closer to being shattered into a million little pieces?

Goodbyes, endings- they are unnatural; especially, between people. When we love, we love people thinking that we will love them forever. We believe that we will be part of each other forever and we throw ourselves into those relationships and communities fearlessly and hold nothing back. We work day after day to make the bonds stronger, to make the relationship better, to worm our way into each other’s hearts more solidly. Until one day, when we realize that we have to say goodbye.

That what was, must come to an end. And it’s not an end that happens to us, but an end that we choose to inflict upon ourselves. And it hurts. And it’s hard. We watch ourselves walk toward broken hearts and shattered relationships. We put move (usually feels as if we move through mud) towards the goodbye. Towards the finale scene in whatever act we are starring in. We are choosing to say goodbye even while knowing it’s going to hurt like hell. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t right.

Endings as unnatural as they seem, are an unavoidable part of life.

Deaths, goodbyes, divorces, broken relationships, lost jobs, moves made, graduations. They all are endings.

They are all the conclusions to some thing, some relationship, some part of our lives that must change or cease to be or must be in a different way.

And even when there is joy involved, there is always some loss involved too.

It’s hard to say goodbye. It’s practically impossible to prepare yourself for it. Even with your best efforts and best intentions, it will still be painful when the time comes to actually say goodbye. Your heart will still be in your throat when you stare the exit sign in the face knowing you must now walk through the door you’ve been anticipating for months.
But there is one thing about endings. Without them, we would never have the opportunity for new beginnings.