The Magnificot

And Mary said, "My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in my Savior God, for he has been mindful of his humble servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Might One has done great things

for me- holy is His name."

Luke 1.46-49

I love the Magnificot. Which is the fancy name for the song of Mary found in the Lukan Christmas story. I find it to be a beautiful and refreshing piece of scripture. Its just happy- and I like happy things.

However, I often think people misunderstand the Maginificot. People often think it is what Mary's response was when told she would be the mother of the Savior of the world. And that is a wrong understanding of what her song is.

The angel came to Mary and dropped the news bomb that would change her life. But Mary's immediate response wasn't to burst into her "My soul glofiries the Lord.." song. First it says her heart was troubled (which is totally understandable reaction for when a heavenly being shows up in your bedroom at night) and then she went into the "What in the heck are you talking about???" mode. The angel explains then the pesky details of the matter and Mary goes... "Umm...ok. Whatever you say." She agrees but to me, her words don't exactly resonate with assurance.

Maybe it is just me, but I like Mary more knowing she wasn't exactly 100% sure of this situation right off the bat. That she went through the scared, confused, and kind of just whatever stages. It was only later, days later, when she travled to visit her cousin that she had found peace and joy in her situation. At first she wasn't singing about this life altering news, she was processing it. And this comforts me. Because if the mother of Jesus (who got news from actual angels) can take time to process what is happening before she finds joy and peace in it, then that make me feel better about how I react when God drops bombs on my life (and I never even get news from angels...).

But Mary also reminds me that eventually I will find peace and joy within situations. That when God works, even if I'm uncertain about what the heck He is doing at the time, that the happiness and singing will come. Its comforting to know that situations that start out as kind of weird and uncertain can become situations in which I end up celebrating and being grateful for.

So I guess above all, the Magnificot gives me hope. Hope that situations that can scare me or make me cry or confuse me can one day make me sing.

Hope that out of disorder and disruption will come order and peace.

Hope that even when I don't totally get what God is doing that it will be for my own good.

Hope that even if I don't understand the means, the end will always make sense and bring joy.

Top Five

Top Five People to See on My Wonderful Christmas Break:

1. Chelsea (and Gavin)- best friend since forever
2. Jade- my other best friend since forever
3. My Dad- I often neglect to put the time and effort into this relationship I should
4. Jenny Simpson- As much as I don't want her back in Nashville for the reasons she was here so much, I do miss our Sunday afternoons
5. Ed Camera and family- just good for the soul

"When one falls in the river,

the one who rescues them

shares in their new life forever."

- Mohawk Proverb

when we walk with people through the hard places

when we sit with them in the midst of their suffering

when we wipe their tears and say "I've been there"

when we offer the hope that night eventually ends

when we show compassion and mercy

when we simply hold their hands and let them grieve

when we aren't afraid to look at their pain in the face and acknowledge it

when we do no more than offer our presence as a reminder that they are not alone

we pull them out of the rivers and back onto dry land

we participate in their lives and change their stories

and in doing this,

we become part of both.

Jesus was born into a family.

I know- not the normal Advent slogan, but that's what I keep coming up with this year.

Jesus Christ, Savior of All, the I AM, was born into a family.

I can't exactly put my finger on what is so profound about that for me, but its resonating within me. I think, perhaps, it may have something to do with my deep need for community.

The fact that Jesus came to be inside of a family unit speaks depths into each of our needs for community. For if Jesus Christ, Son of God, needed a family, then surely each of us do too.

I think the fact that the Savior was not exempt from the beautifully complicated relationships that one has with parents and siblings says something about the deep needs in each of our lives for genuine relationships. Who knows you better than your parents? Your siblings? No one.

They are the people who have seen you at your best and at your worst.

They know you intimately.

And I think we all need that. No one is exempt from the need of community.
There is something within each of us that cries out to others- a deep calling to deep.

Sometimes after one has experienced a broken relationship or a failed community, they try and close this place off. They build walls and defenses around it. But that doesn't stop that place from being there. And eventually that need for others will break through all the barriers and walls and show itself.

So Jesus Christ was born into a family.

So this Christmas season, I'm letting it remind me that we all need somebody.

We all need family.

We all need community.

We all need a place to know, and to be known.

That its not a weakness when I need a shoulder to lean on or a friend to hold onto to.

That there is no shame in simply needing time and space to commune with my family.

That the most natural thing in the world is our need to have genuine relationships with others.

The need for community is a trademark of humanity.

The yearning for family and relationships is a basic instinct.

We all have moments where we need to be reminded that we are not alone.

Especially at Christmas.

Traffic School?

I had to go to traffic school today (shhhh.....don't tell Mom).
And really it wasn't that bad. Except I was the oldest person in the class.

Anyway, there was this guy in the class who wasn't from Tennessee. He was from Mississippi. And we, being the entire class, started to discuss how he came to be in a Tennessee driving school. Turns out that he is a musician and is consistently playing gigs in Nashville. So, thus the Tennessee ticket and driving school.

Anyway, before we knew it we had convinced him to get his guitar from his car and sing a few songs for us. And he did. And what struck me was that this musician couldn't stop talking about how much he loved music. He just glowed when he talked about his band, his songs, his tours, and was so excited about music that he was thrilled to death to even play in the middle of driving school in some Metro classroom.

And I was jealous of that Mississippi born musician.
Because all I could think about was: Is there anything I am that passionate about?

Is there anything I am so passionate about that I can't shut up about?
Something that its so much a part of me that it simply oozes out of me wherever I am at.?Something that is so consuming in my heart that I'm willing to tell whoever where ever all about it? And be thrilled about such an opportunity?

I think I've misplaced my passion. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go find it.
I'm not going to let some Mississipian have all the fun.

"Trust at the mercy of the response it receives is a bogus trust..."- Brennan Manning

I say I have faith. I say I trust God. I say I believe that He is doing what is best for me despite how the situation looks. I pray. I say "thy will be done...". I am good at having the words. But at the end of the day, the words are nothing if not back up by action.

How many times at the end of the day, somewhere in the deep caverns of my heart, do I wonder if God has forgotten me? How many times do I cry because I feel lost or abandoned? How often do the words "When? Why? Where?" spring from my lips? Why do the words of a popular song "Remember your people, remember your children, remember your promise, O God" resound so loudly within my heart?

I say I have faith. But at the end of the day, I question whether God remembers me. I question whether or not He is being Who He has promised to be. I say I trust Him, but I base that trust upon what evidence I can see.

And as Manning points out, that is not trust at all. If I really trusted God, evidence or no evidence, I would put one foot in front of the other unswervingly knowing never fearing or feeling alone. I guess I too often forget that God really owes me nothing.

Cause in the grand scheme of things, God loves me. And that love should be enough. Just the gift of receiving His love, forgiveness, and grace should be enough for me. I should not need anything else. I should want for nothing more. I should trust because His love is the only response I need.

Sometimes, I just need to be reminded of that. Sometimes I need to be reminded that if my faith is based upon evidence, then its not faith at all. Sometimes I feel as if I know nothing about faith or trust at all.

Thank you, Aristotle

"Hope is a waking dream..."- Aristotle

I had a conversation the other night about teenagers and dreaming. A converstaion about how one of the indredible things about teenagers is their ability to have dreams about how life might turn out. That at their age and innocence they still have hope that whatever they imagine life will be like, might actually come to be.

We had the conversation in the context, that as adults, some of us have lost our ability to have dreams. To have hope. To believe that what we want, what we desire, can actually be. I find this to be very true, and very sad.

Life never really turns out the way you imagine it would at sixteen. Some dreams don't come true. Some things aren't achieved. Some dreams you lose hold of slowly, like sand slipping out your hand so slightly that you never notice the lack of it until its completely gone. Some dreams shift, they change or fade away. Other dreams can get lost or ripped away in a moment. But you still feel each loss. And when we lose dreams, there is a grief. A hurt. Its like a part of ourselves has left.

And since it hurts, I think that we stop dreaming. Because life is hard enough, has enough stress and worry without inflicting this hurt upon ourselves. But I think that when we do this, we in effect, lose our ability to hope as well.

I love Aristotle's quote, "Hope is a waking dream." Because, in essence, what are dreams but hope of what we want life to turn out to be. And hope is the conscious factor of these dreams. So when we lose our ability to dream, to imagine, to conjure, we lose our ability to hope.

I know that every time I dream, there is the possibility that that dream won't turn out. Every time I imagine what could be, I know that it isn't what will be. I realize that every time I hold hope for a situation in my heart, there is a distinct reality that that hope will never be fulfilled.

And sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it hurts so much all we can do is become numb.

But I think the numbness, I think the lack of dreaming, I think the absence of hope- that is far worse. That losing our ability to hope and dream does far more damage to our soul.

Is it hard to relearn how to hope and dream like we did when we were fifteen? Absolutely. And I don't think the point is to go back to that type of dreaming completely. I think we need to dream adult dreams- dreams that are full of the hope we can feel despite the fact we know that life always isn't picture perfect or easy. Dreams that will occur with the knowledge that they might actually never be. And I think it takes far more courage and guts to dream this way.

But just because something is hard, doesn't mean its not worth it. I think that to relearn how to dream, how to have hope, I believe those are worth the effort they take.

fairy tales

As children, we grow up on fairy tales. We were told them before bed, we watched Disney make magical movies about them, and we acted them out as we played pretend as children.
For children, fairy tales are wonderfully magical stories full of hope and perfect happy endings. Stories full of princesses, princes, wicked queens who never win, fairy godmothers, elves and dwarfs.

However, most people do not know that fairy tales began as stories that were told to adults full of gruesome and cruel darkness. These stories were not intended for children in the least. Actually, most fairy tales came to be as stories women told as their way of rebelling against the constraints placed upon them by the restrictive societies they live in.
How is that something with a beginning and elements so dark within them have becomes something that children dream about and celebrate?

We treat fairy tales now as something to be achieved and as the perfect story to try and obtain, but in reality they were never meant for this purpose. To strive to try and achieve a fairy tale life is to try and strive to achieve something that doesn’t exist and was never intended to exist.
Fairy tales began as a way for the oppressed to speak out about what they suffered without actually doing so. These stories were their way of highlighting the dark truth of what they suffered. However, throughout the centuries we have squeezed the darkness out of these tales and replaced them with trivial light. And these stories, void of their original intent, are what we tell are children. And subsequently, what all children end up trying to achieve.

Now I love Disney’s Cinderella as much as the next person, but I’ve come to realize that life will never work like this particular version of a fairy tale. That things don’t always work out, that fairy godmothers don’t always prevail, and that sometimes there is no perfect solution or happy ending.

I’m not saying that life is devoid of happiness or magical moments, but I’m saying that setting our children up to strive for a perfect “fairy tale” ending that actually never existed is unrealistic and unfair.

Life is hard. Life is messy. Life is occasional dark and sometimes cruel. And we should not shield ourselves from that truth. We should recognize and acknowledge it. We should learn how to survive those times, so that we can come out triumphant on the other side.

I guess what I’m saying is that we should all realize that life is not a fairy tale in the way we know it. That there will be darkness and hardship and sometimes no perfect happy ending.
But I’m also trying to say that this doesn’t mean life isn’t wonderful, magical, or full of wonderful moments.

I think what makes life so amazing is that constant contrast of light and dark. That despite the hard times, we are able to still recognize what good there is. That despite the hurt, we are still able to feel hope and joy. That even when we are broken, we know that someday there will be wholeness again. I think if we are just honest enough with ourselves to stop expecting a Disney fairy tale life, we might end up more satisfied with the tale we are actually living in.

Top Five: Things I Wish You Could Give People for Christmas

1. a positive attitude
2. rest- wouldn't it just be great if you could give somebody a full nights sleep? I know some people who desperately need thing.
3. perspective
4. hope
5. the ability to see themselves as God does

I have a book that I am doing that is supposed to help me with writing. What it really does is ask great questions that help you put emotions and memories onto paper. I'm trying to be more disciplined about hand writing things these days. Anyway, I'm rambling.

Today one of the questions I worked on was centered around high school and friendships. It asked "who did you hang out with in high school? who did you spend the most time with? were they good influences or bad influences? what did you learn?"

Those are some really great questions and it was kind of fun to go back and think about high school. As much as we all complain about how bad high school was, it also was wonderful and fun.

But it started me thinking about the high schoolers I work with. So much of what I do with my youth group and how I interact with them comes from what I learned from spending time with my youth group in high school. When I dream about what I want our youth group to look like and what I want these kids to experience when they come together, I find that I want them to experience what I had. I want them to experience the friendship, the support, the pranks, the laughter, the love, the learning. Sure we didn't all get along all the time, but when push came to shove we did.

Sometimes I forget how much my past really influences my present. And how my experiences shade what I want for others to experience. I don't think this is a bad thing. Obviously, what we've lived is what we try to recreate for others- especially if it was a wonderful experience.

But I do think that I need to try and remember that it can't always be the same. And won't always be the same. And that my teenagers will form a group identity of their own. And I hope that in ten years they can look back and feel the same joy at their memories as I do at mine.

As the Thanksgiving season comes to a close, I realize I have so very much to be thankful for.

I have a home- several in fact. Not just places where I can come to at the end of the day and rest, but places full of love and people who care about me. I have a home in the town where I work, and I have home where my family is. Both are incredibly special and I am so thankful for each of their unique places in my life.

I have a family- and such a special family. I think my family means so much to me because for the most part, the big part of my family didn't have to be my family. My step family have gone from complete strangers to true family. And its so special that these people, most of all my step father, love me. Not because they have to, but because they choose to.

I have a job I love- granted I complain about it, but overall its such a wonderful thing I get to do each and every day. Wake up and participate in people's lives. Spend time with kids and teenagers. I get to plan worship and make music and get paid to do so. Its not a bad gig.

I have a good life. I can see, I can hear, I can feel. I'm incredibly blessed and don't stop often enough to remember that. So I wanted to do that now.

It's a wonderful life! It really is.... It's a Wonderful Life is also one of my absolute favorite Christmas movies... so in honor of the start of the Advent Season:

Top Five Christmas Movies of All Time

1. Its a Wonderful Life
2. Love Actually
3. Holiday Inn
4. Scrooged
5. Home Alone

Love this time of the year!

“Stop right there, that’s exactly where I lost it. See that line, I never should have crossed it.”- Relient K

How many of us really realize exactly where our lives went out of control? Or maybe not even out of control, but just off track? Or maybe even not off track… Life might be right on track and you still might feel like you’ve lost it. Or unsatisfied with life. Or that you have missed the point of it all. Life doesn’t have to awful to be not what you want.
Life can be everything that anyone could ever want it to be, but still not what YOU want it to be. However, we all get caught up in the idea that there is a way our life should look and if it looks that way, we should be satisfied. (OR there is a way you life shouldn’t look and as long as your life doesn’t look like that, then you are ok).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you can wake up, have no major worries, be able to sit in the sunshine enjoying that first cup of morning coffee, and still be slightly dissatisfied. There is more to life than a job. There is more to life than a house. There is more to life than pretty days, even if they are worry free.
Life is more than having it all together and having all the foundational stuff in place. I can have a job that is stable and that loves me and that I rock at, but if when I go home at night I sit in an empty house if I hate my life at that point- then that’s a problem. I am more than my job, my degrees, and my chosen career path. I’d rather be the culmination of the time spent with people I love, dinners shared in a house of laughter, and having someone to talk to at the end of the day.
Yes I want to be good at my job. Yes I want to matter and make a difference with the work I do. But I’d much rather be a good person, a good friend, a good daughter or sister. I’d much rather make a difference by sharing my life with people I love than the people I’m paid to know (that sounds meaner than I mean it).
I love my job. I love how I get to work, where I work , the people I work with. But at the end of the day, I’d rather love my life.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. “


I have always had issues with The 23rd Psalm. I hate to admit it, but it has always slightly annoyed me. I never understood why people used to quote it as comforting and reassuring, when it always left me feel slightly uneasy.

However, I have recently stumbled across what I think might be the problem I have with the 23rd Psalm. You see in the 23rd Psalm the majority of the action verbs are attributed to the Lord and not to me. The LORD- is, makes, leads, restores, leads, with, comfort, prepare, anoints. It is the Lords who works and the Lord who is the one who is making things happen. The only verbs attributed to me are “shall not want, walk, dwell.” None of these verbs are things that take much effort on my part.

You see the problem I have with this Psalm is that it tells me that I am dependent upon God and what God will do. There is little I can do to make things happen in this Psalm. I am dependent upon God for comfort, for goodness, for mercy, and for the still waters. I cannot produce these on my own. The problem with this Psalm is that it highlights how little that I am capable of. It shows me how utterly dependent I am upon God for everything. It reminds me that in spite of all of my intellect, experience, friends, or family, that at the end of the day I am have to rely on God alone to provide and protect. That for someone who tries so hard to be independent and self-reliant, I am actually quite dependent.
This psalm makes me uneasy because it forces me to admit I can’t do this on my own. I can’t be my own supply. I can’t provide for myself. This psalm makes me uneasy because it reminds me that we were created to be dependent on a higher power. That we are like sheep, dependent upon a Shepherd who loves and leads; and that this psalm annoys me because of how amazingly reassuring it is to be told that I don’t have to be independent, self-reliant, or self-sustaining. This Psalm allows me to admit that despite all my ok-ness, that I still need someone to lead, provide, and comfort. And that is how its suppose to be.

Top Five

After two years on my own, I am living with people again. A mom, two teenagers (boy and girl), a dog, and now my cat. And its incredible. Yes its different adjusting to having people around all the time again, but actually quite good for me.

So this week: top five things I love about where I live now:

1. having a cat- I finally got a pet of my own. And its fun. And she purrs. And is cuddley. And follows me around- I like the adoration part.
2. Getting goodnight hugs- LOVE IT!
3. When you cook dinner, there are people there to eat it instead of eating leftovers for days on end.
4. Having coffee made when you wake up in the morning- the mom leaves for work at 6a, about the time when I wake up and there is always coffee ready. I'm going to be spoiled.
5. Cell phone reception! Gone are the days of sitting in the Food Lion parking lot at all hours of the night so I can finish a conversation!

So what started out as a really stressful thing, has turned into something quite lovely. As usual.

How do you put grace into words? Is it really possible to tell someone what grace is? To capture the magnitude and almost indescribable nature of grace in mere words? Can you condense grace into a sermon, or a thirty minute youth lesson?

We are going over basic ideas of faith right now in our youth group. We've talked about sin, forgiveness, love, Christ, and this week we are supposed to be talking about grace. But I'm having trouble capturing this "grace" in a lesson.

Sure, I can pull out the old 3 types of grace- prevenient, sanctifying, and justifying. I can quote Scripture- "it is by grace we have been saved". But how do you really explain to people what grace does? What it is? How it works?

I don't know. I'm going to have to figure it out by Sunday afternoon though. I'm starting with the big three- the big three things that I know about grace.

Grace:

1. is costly- grace costs someone something. If you are the receiver of grace, the person who extended the grace paid a price. If you are the giver of grace, it will cost you. There is always a price with grace. Something that someone loses in order to offer grace up.

2. is undeserved- grace is nothing that we can earn or be worthy of. Grace is not something we can live up to or become deserving of. That is one of the distinct characteristics of grace, it is entirely out of our ability to earn.

3. produces change- you can not receive grace and remain the same. Being the receiver (or the bearer) of grace marks you. Produces a change. You can't experience something that deep and that special and remain the same person you were. Grace always produces a reaction- for every action (grace given/received), there is an equal or opposite reaction (what the person on the other end does with the experience). Its simple physics.


The "easiest" (although its not easy at all) way to learn about grace is to experience it. You can hear about, be taught lessons around it, sing songs about, and even read about it- but until you experience it- you don't really get whats so incredible about it.

An extra hour or two

Lately I have needed more time in the day. But really, what do I need it for?

Top Five Things I Might Do with an Extra Hour in the Day:

1. TAKE A NAP
2. Watch this week's Grey's Anatomy
3. Go ride my bike
4. Nothing- I would sit and do absolutely nothing
5. Call my sisters

The sermon on Sunday was based on scripture in Luke on the Widow's Offering. When she gave all she had which was not much, and Jesus commented on how much she was giving because she gave out of her poverty while other people gave out of her wealth.

I heard the sermon (twice actually) but I heard it in the way that you hear the news as you are getting ready in the morning. You are aware that someone is talking, but you aren't necessarily digesting any of the information.

But later in this week, I've gone back to it. Re-read the scripture. Tried to remember what was said in the sermon. And in my life right now (although the poverty thing I can totally relate to) I don't think that this story is about money for me.

Right now, I'm drained. I'm tired. Worn out. Burnt out. I have very little left to give emotionally. And since I'm not perfect, I'm willing to admit that I've felt a slight bit resentful when people have needed emotional support lately. I can usually squash those sneaky little selfish thoughts down, but still the moments they are there I do feel them.

But maybe, like the widow, when I give out of my poverty- emotional or financial- that means more. Maybe it means so much more when I give support, encouragement, comfort, or whatever when I am empty and dry myself, it makes what I give mean so much more.

O beautiful for heroes proved in liberating strife, who more than self their country loved, and mercy more than life... O beautiful for patriots dream that sees beyond the years thine alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears..." - Bates

I went to a Veteran's Day service earlier today. And it was beautiful and touching.

And I'm reminded of how amazing our freedom is. And how lucky I am that I enjoy this.

In fact, I don't just enjoy my freedom- I take it for granted.

I never think from day to day about having the basic rights.

I just assume that they are my rights.

I don't give a second thought to what to eat, where to go, whether to go back to school, whether to keep my job, move my residence...these are things that are solely my decision.

But for a lot of people in the world, they don't have the basic freedom to make these choices.

And I forget that. And I take the rights that were won for me at a great price and forget what precious treasures they really are.

At the service, a wife of one of the service men made a thought-provoking comment.

"You know, we forget that we are at war. Its like our military is at war,but our country is not."

And I happen to think she is right. And that breaks my heart a little.

I'm not going to get political. I'm not going to share my opinions on the war, the military, and the decisions being made.

But I will say (especially after living in a community 20 miles from a military base for 3 years)

that whether I AGREE with the war or not, there is a war. And therefore, I owe what support I can give to our military. That whether we agree with the decisions being made, we owe our support and love and gratitude to the men and women being ordered to carry out those decisions.

So today, I just want to say that I am so thankful that there are people who can see beyond themselves and serve our country (even when they might agree with what they are fighting for.) I am thankful for the people who value the whole more than the part, even when the part forgets what debt is owed to them.

I am thankful for those who gave up pieces of their freedom and life to secure mine.

Mondays matter even if they are disguised as Wednesdays.

To make this Monday matter: DONATE BOOKS!

-61% of low-income families have no books in their homes.
-43% of adults with the lowest levels of literacy live in poverty.
-55% of children have an increased interest in reading when given books at an early age.

Easy ways to solve this problem:
1. Donate books you will never read again.
2. Donate books that you have had for over 2 years and will never read.
3. Call your school, library, foster organization to see if they need books.

Imagine what it would be like if you couldn't read.

Top Five

I don't have a normal talent. In fact, I'm not sure its entirely useful. Well, I mean its useful. But not useful in the sense that I tell people about it. Normal people, they have athletic abilities, musical abilities, you know- the talents that people can see and admire.

My talent- as much as I love it- is kind of embarrassing. See the thing is, my talent is reading. Not like, yay I can read, but like I read at abnormally fast speeds and maintain/analyze vast quantities of information. Its a geek talent. But I will admit, it helped in school.

Anyway, since reading is my thing, I devour books. I'm not even joking- I read all the time and everything I can get my hands on. Its not uncommon in our family that when we buy a book, I automatically get dibs because I will finish it faster than anyone else.

And I'm not bragging, I'm just stating facts.

ANYWHO- that brings us to yesterday's top five and why its so important to me.

You see reading has always been an escape for me. A stress relief. A place where I can unwind and enjoy someone else's story. And while I read various and lots of books, there are some that I keep going back to. They are like a favorite sweatshirt or a comfort food.

Top Five Books I Read Year after Year:

1. East of Eden- Steinbeck
2. Anne of Green Gables- Montgomery
3. Hamlet- Shakespeare
4. Let Your Life Speak- Palmer
5. The Things They Carried- O'Brien

burn baby burn

Last May, my family's law office burnt. Not all the way to the ground burnt, but burnt as in there was nothing left inside. Basically all that survived were some of the more metal objects and the structure that encompassed what used to be an office. A thriving place of activity and work.

It took years to build up the office. We literally work years on making it what we needed it to be. Situating it so that it we could work within it as best as we could. The basic frame of the office never changed, but the insides changed over and over again. And within a few terrible hours, it was all gone. And there was nothing I could do. Except, that when it was all over, I could help pick up the pieces. Rebuild what once was and helped make it better than before.

Someone once said, "Love is friendship set on fire."

Right now, I feel as if I'm sitting in the middle of the forest fire season in California. To my left are burning acres, and to my right are the acres that have been scorched and left to smolder.

I have two sets of friends. Four people who are fairly significant people in my life who are playing with such fire.

Two of the friends were already best friends when I met them. And as time progressed, their friendship caught fire and grew into something more. Then as quickly as it had begun, their fire burnt out and their friendship became less than it was before. While the fire burnt, it was full of heat and color and was absolutely wonderful. But when it was over, the only thing left was the bare structure. And even that was barely standing.

I have another set of friends. And their friendship is flickering. Its not quite a blaze yet, or even really a flame. But there is heat and its starting to burn. I just don't know what to do.

What keeps one fire burning while another smolders out? What causes one flame to endure while another dwindles into less than before and wrecks its devastation? And what do we do when we are the ones watching things burn?

I guess what I do in this situation is what I did with my family. I wait around and help pick up the pieces. I wait for the fire to burn or not burn, and if things go wrong, I help pick the pieces back up. I support what is still standing. I have faith that what is burning will continue to burn. And that what has burnt up will be able to burn again.

It might not have appeared this way but, I still believe that Mondays matter greatly.



So to catch us up: here are four (three for the ones I missed in Oct and then one for this particular Monday) things to do that will help make your Monday matter more:


1. Protect yourself with Internet Safety- Research shows that the emotional impact of internet identity theft has been parallel with that of victims of a violent crime. Keep yourself from becoming one of the 5,479 that are victimized this way daily.

2. Change Your Lightbulbs- By changing over to a compact flourescnet lightbulb you can save $30 over the life of the bulb and they will last up to 10x longer than your regular bulbs. If every home replaced 5 frequently used lights bulbs with CFL bulbs, close to $8 billion a year in energy costs could be saved.

3. Register to Vote- 71 million eligible voters didn't vote in the 2004 presidential election. That's a shame. Especially considering how hard some people fought for everyone to earn the right to vote and gain a say in how our country is run. Let's change this!

4. PARTY with a purpose- $747 is the average amount spent annually on holiday gifts. Every week there are: 79,623 births, 42, 884 weddings, and 5, 812,037 birthdays! This year if everyone gave up their birthday gifts, more than $3million could be donated to a worthy cause or a charity. So next time you party, party for a cause bigger than yourself!

Sometimes pieces of the sky fall right on our heads. And in the moment, it seems like the worst thing that could possibly happen.

But more often than not, when we pick up the piece of sky and examine it, it turns out to be not as bad as expected.

Sometimes when we are given a piece of news, we react. We immediately assume worse case scenario and freak out.

Then we hear the rest of the story and realize that things are actually going to be ok after all.

So today's top five topic:

Top Five Events that started as bad news and actually turned into good things:

1. My parents divorce- if they had never split, i'd never have gotten the wonderfully amazing complex diverse and large family I have now.
2. When I was told I was getting a little sister- I was so mad. I had been the baby for 7 years. I didn't want anyone else in our family- best thing ever to happen.
3. When a very close friend dropped out of a school program we were doing together- I felt abandoned. Turned out to be the push I needed to grow close with other people.
4. When I got into my first huge and scary fight adult fight with my dad- paved the way for us to be able to talk about the hard things.
5. When I was told last night that the place I currently live is no longer available to me, and I kinda became homeless. In the past 24 hours so many amazing doors have opened and I have seen God's faithfulness in a new and huge way.

Sometimes what starts off as a mess can turn into the most beautiful thing in the world.

I don't think success looks like what we imagined it would. Personal success, professional success, any other kind of success.

I don't think success appears to us in the major ways. In the big things. I don't think success shows up in the major milestones. I think that we get true glimmerings of success in the little things. And I have learned this the hard way.

I have waited to see success in my job, in my life in the big things. In a certain number of people attending my programs. In consistency of work. In grades. In number of dates. In number of friends. In ability to be independent, in handling problems myself. In the amount of responsibility I am trusted with.

But recently, I've figured out this is never how we see success. I think success always is sort of disguised.

I've seen success disguised as:
-a 730 am phone call from a kid who missed the bus and had no way else to get to school.
-a 3 hour converstaion about life with a senior
- being the first person sought when a middle schooler got her heart broken
-having my office flooded at 330 every afternoon when school lets out
- being able to show grace to 2 kids who got in serious trouble and thought I would kick them out of the youth group
-finally getting one of the kids to speak more than 3 syllables to me after 4 years here
-fixing my own sink when it broke
-changing my own tire
-going to a party alone and being comfortable in that
-making the right decision even if it isn't what I want to do
-finally feeling great in my own skin and loving my own life.

Success is not found on the mountain tops, in big paychecks, or with having absolute power.
Success is knowing that you are doing your best.

And maybe I shouldn't call it success. Cause sometimes that makes it sound cheaper than it really is. Because these triumphs in my life are so much more than success. They are signs that I am on the right path. They are affirmations that I am pouring myself into the right things. They are the things that keep me putting one foot in front of the other instead of running in the opposite direction.

I think I would have felt better along time ago if I had expanded my idea of what "success" looked like.

And I'm willing to wager that success for me is not going to look like success for anyone else.

Top Five- Songs that would go on the soundtrack to my life...

Music is a huge part of my life. So this week- if my life had a sound track, these songs would be on there:

1. The Story- Brandi Carlisle
2. Long Way Around- Dixie Chicks
3. Hold the Light- Caedmon's Call
4. My Sweet Charade- Stephen Kellog and the Sixers
5. Shower the People- James Taylor

I never really considered that it might not be about me. I guess that's fairly self-centered of me, but it's the truth. I always assumed that it was dependent upon me and where I was at.

Let me back up. You see, for awhile now, I have been considering that it might be time for me to end this chapter in my life and start the next. I've been considering what it would mean for me to leave my job and the town I now live in. I have been praying and searching for an answer to this situation and not quite finding peace.

A part of me knows that I have learned what I can in this situation and that I have grown so much. And that part seriously considered it time to move on. To find the next challenge, the next adventure. But there was another part of me, not as strong, but just strong enough to keep me hesitating. To keep me praying for confidence and assurance in this decision. For God to let me know when I was ready to move on.

But I never considered that it wasn't about me. But you see, when you pray, God answers. That's the insane part. You always get your answer- you may not like it- but you get it.

A situation has emerged in my life (not exactly in my life, but in the people's lives whom I love dearly in my current situation and therefore my life is wrapped up in this situation) and this situation was like a fist to the face. It was a clear answer that it was not time for me to move on. That until this situation resolves, I have to stay where I'm not. That I may be ready to move on, but other people need me to stay.

I never considered that maybe my life, and my call, was not about me. That is was more about others. That my life- all my experiences, emotions, training, friendship, relationships, heartaches- that all of that have formed who I am so that I am perfectly prepared to stand by, for, and in front of these loved ones of mine during this time. That until there is resolution, I can use the talent I've been given to comfort, to encourage, to protect, to defend, to simply walk through this with them. And to be honest, I know in my heart that is why I never found perfect peace in leaving before.

Its like the trees in autumn. The tree itself can actually be biologically ready to change colors weeks before they do. For its not just about the tree and the trees readiness. Its about the environment. Its about the temperature of the air, the moisture level. The change from green to red is not just about the tree- but a communal process between the tree, the environment, and the weather.

I may be ready to change, but its not just about me. Its also about those whose life is connected to mine. So eventually change will happen. And the time will come. But at least now I know, its not right now.

Top Five - People I am praying for today

1. Michelle- a young mother facing breast cancer with incredible strength and courage (and a great sense of humour)
2. Travis- a high school boy who is a little bit lost in life but is searching and has an incredible heart
3. my boss- we've recently crossed that line where we are more friends than co-workers, he in the middle of such a terrible/wonderful time
4. Allison- baby sister, at first semester of college, dealing with figuring out this new life and finding closure on the old
5. Martin- that he find a job (and that its not 10,000 miles away)

Top Five

So I made a huge work mistake today. Not the kind of mistake that is going to cause harm, but the kind that will require alot of fast talking and quick acting to fix. And all because I stink at knowing what day is which. And I've been beating myself up about it. I forget that mistakes happen. That they are just part of life.

So today's top five: 5 things that I've done right this week:

1. Ignored paperwork and spent two hours talking to a high school senior about her college fears.
2. Cleaned my mom's house so she didn't have to.
3. Called my grandmother and talked for awhile.
4. Planned the Advent season music
5. Made myself available for a friend who needed a listening ear

Quit playing game with my heart...

Funny how church signs have gone from being a place to advertise a place's affiliation and times of services to a place where they can advertise their theology in a ten words or less cleverly crafted phrase. I will go ahead and admit that church signs annoy me. Often their cute motto's or "prayer is the solution to everything" advice makes me roll my eyes but usually doesn't really upset me.

Yesterday I saw a church sign and it just made me angry. Probably more angry than it should, but it really hit a nerve for me.

The sign read: "Soul-Winning Conference, date, time, etc..."

The thing that made me mad: "soul- WINNING".

I'm sorry, but how exactly does somebody win a soul? And whose souls are we trying to win? Is the point to try to win our souls? Or to try and win other peoples? And if a soul can be won, does that mean we can lose souls as well? And who keeps the score? And what is the deciding factor in whether a soul has been won? And who the heck ever decided that once a soul was won then that soul was magically transformed into a Christian soul?

And how is this a conference? Do you herd a bunch of "lost" souls into a room and have some kind of "Price is Right" game show? Or is this a place you come where they teach you how to win souls? Kind of like football camp for Christians? Or maybe more like the NFL draft?

I'm being a little mean and judgemental, and I'm apologize. I don't really mean to be. But the premise behind the idea that we can "win" souls is just appalling to me. Souls are not game pieces. Souls are not something to be acquired or won like some monopoly real estate. And if they can, we are in no means capable of winning something as priceless as a soul. And to be truthful, I really don't believe that souls can be lost. How do you loose a soul? How do you misplace the thing that makes you who you are?

I believe that souls are what makes humans human. Our soul is the essence within us that allows us to feel, breathe, believe, and be who we are. Our soul is the part of us that believes in something more and where we love from. Souls are the part of us that experience love. I believe that people's hearts and souls are very closely related. I don't think souls were meant to be won. I think souls were meant to be loved. To be cared for. To be nurtured. To be accepted. To be appreciated. I believe souls were meant loved into truth, not convinced into religion.

I'm a Christian. I believe in Jesus. But I don't think He ever told me to go win souls. I don't think He even ever mentioned to go win people. I don't ever think He intended this to become some kind of game. I just remember Him telling me to love people. And that's how they would know Him. Through His love in us.

And this makes me believe that loving another person's soul until the point they recognize that it is in fact God's love and not mine, is not a quick process like the idea of "winning" suggests. In fact, I think that helping people believe and discover the Love that is already in their soul is a slow and gradual process. Granted there are events that can act as a catalyst and speed the process up. But mostly, loving souls takes time.

I hope I never get to the point where my focus is seeing how many souls I can win or convince or recruit. I hope I always remember that the point is to see how many souls I can love. And hopefully from that, souls will know that they are loved by Love itself.

perspectiveness

"A rock piles ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." -A. de Saint Exupery

In high school, I struck up an unlikely friendship. It was one of those friendships that made absolutely no sense. He was a he and I was a she. He was a athlete and I was kind of a nerd. He was most definitely a "player" and I was most definitely not. And to be honest, he was jerk (actually I have another word for it, but jerk is what I've decided to go with here on a public forum) and obviously, I'm not a jerk (at least for the most part). We had nothing in common and in fact, I shouldn't have been his friend. He wasn't very nice. He was never mean to me, but I consistently wanted to punch him for the way he treated most everyone else. I mean there were good qualities- he had a sense of humor and actually he could be quite charming, but you rarely saw this part of him.

But for some reason, I maintained the friendship. And we stayed friends through college. Not great friends, but the kind of friends who would occasionally call and hang out all night sporadically. He would need help on homework and I would help. I would be moving furniture and he would bring his truck. I wouldn't let him tell me about his social life, because I'm pretty sure I would disapproved of everything. And he still was a jerk, and now often a jerk even to me.

My roommates often asked me why I held onto this friendship. What made me stick with him even when he gave me every reason to write him off?

And all I could think was that despite the jerkiness, despite the poor choices, and despite everything else, I truly believed that he had the potential to be an absolutely amazing individual. That on those rare occasions that he let his guard down and was kind and compassionate, I would get glimpses of the person he was capable of being. And so I whenever I looked at him, I looked past the way he acted. I looked past the face value evidence of who he was, and tried to always see the potential he had. To always see the person he could choose to be.

I wish that this story had a happy ending. I wish that I could say that he has mellowed and chosen wiser, but that's not what happened. I wish I didn't have to say that eventually he was too mean and too hurtful and we parted ways.

But despite all that, I still see within in the person he could. When I look at him, there is no anger. There is just a deep sense of sadness. He's just choosing to be a rock pile, when within him dwells a cathedral.

And I think, to an extent, we all do this. Either we refuse to see what we really are or we refuse to see what other people are. We look at ourselves and others and we don't see anything of value. We see what's there. We see the pieces of rubble and stone of their lives. We don't stop and look deeper. We don't stop and ponder what these pieces of stone are building. We see only who the person is in that moment, and don't stop to try to see who they will become. We choose not to have hope that someday that pile of stone can become a cathedral.

Of course, every rock pile won't become a cathedral. People are always going to dissapoint, let us down, and hurt us. But I firmly believe that to see the potential, to see the cathedral within someone, and to see them remain a rock pile is still infinitely better than just seeing someone as a worthless pile of stone- unchanging and of little worth. I think it takes far more courage to hope and be dissapointed than to never hope at all. It takes more vision to see what could be possible, than to settle for what is probable.

Because I still believe that ordinary days can become extraordinary. That Mondays can be just as meaningful as Saturday or Sunday. And that everyday we can change our lives and others.

Every Monday Matters- help the Hungry

Facts:
- the 2nd largest expense for families is food.
-35.1 million Americans have limited access to enough food dur to lack of money or other resources.
-30% of families are foreced to choose between buying food and paying for medical care and medicine.
-96 billion pounds of food are wasted each year.

This is a problem. Today choose to be part of the solution.

What to do:
-Locate organizations near you that support the hungry. Find out what those organizations need and help provide it.
-Donate your time and volunteer at any food pantry, a local soup kitchen, and a homeless shelter.
-Go through your pantry and gather canned and dried food to donate.

Top Five

Top Five....

Things to do on a lazy fall Saturday:
1. Take a meandering walk
2. Sit in the sun and read
3. Call the people you've been meaning to
4. Rent movies and curl up on the couch and watch them
5. Make the first stew of the season....

Fall is wonderful!

Pocketful of sunshine

Because beautiful fall Mondays matter a little bit more... Make them matter for someone else too.


There are approximately 2.1 million active and reserve men and women in the US military with hundreds of thousands of troops deployed indefinitely to remote parts of the world. The most requested item by military men and women is a letter. Grab a pen, paper, and envelope and send the letter. Simple things like this can encourage and support total strangers.

If you need help getting connected with somone to write to: visit anysoldier.com.

Top Five

Top Five: TV characters I wish were my friends in real life

***shout out to Joey Willis for this amazing idea***

1. Sheldon- from the Big Bang Theory
2. Krammer- from Seinfield
3. Jack Bristow- Alias
4. Chandler- from Friends
5. Hodgens- from Bones

Think of all the interesting conversation!

Because Mondays still matter...

3 things to do for the 2 Mondays I've missed and for today:

1. Prepare for an emergency- Diasters are never planned, but happen anyway. Readiness will reduce fear, anxiety, and potential loss. Prepare today for any kind of tomorrow.

2. Eat healthy- French fries are the most widely eaten vegetables (PROBLEM!). 400,000 people die per year from complications due to laziness and poor eating habits. Just start making changes...and take it one day at a time.

3. Get rid of junk mail- 500 pieces of mail per person per year...what a waste junk mail is. By decreasing your junk mail, you'll save trees, save waste, decrease pollution, save time (the average person spends 8 months in their lives opening up junk mail), and save the postmen time and effort!!!!

Top Five

Top Five: five nonsensical sounds that make me happy

1. ice cream trucks
2. my Dad when he talks like Daffy Duck- made me laugh when I was five, still has the same effect
3. The ringtone I have set for my youth group (Peter Pans "I Won't Grow Up)
4. wind chimes
5. the sound of typing on a keyboard

I've been thinking alot about sin lately.
Strange? I kind of thought it was.
But I've been tossing so many ideas surronding the idea of sin in my head that if I don't write them out I might drown in them.

For so long, I've tried to atone for my past mistakes. I've tried to be kind, compassionate, loving, sweet. I've tried to make things as easy for everyone as I can. I've tried to be as much as I could be, hoping that it would make up for the times when I missed the boat completely.

Granted, I never really thought about it in that light. I never realized what exactly I was doing. I never realized that when I always took the backseat, or offered to buy dinner, or do the dishes- that what I was really trying to do was even the score. Right all the wrong I've brought into the universe.

I knew- theorectically and logically- that I was forgiven. I have been told and told countless others that when God forgives, He redeems. He makes it better than we were before. But I honestly have to admit that I was never really living into that truth in my life.

So I've been grappling with sin. And here's where I've landed.

Sin is not a list of rules that I've broken. Sin is not a list of specific actions I've done to wrong my brother. Sin is not a score card.

Sin is when I live outside the boundaries God has placed for me to keep me safe. Sin is when I act in ways that is disrespecting of the love that God has given me. Sin is when I forget who I am and Whose I am.

And because sin is so much more than broken rules, there is no way I can ever make it right. There is no way I can repay the debt. There is no way that I can live like I deserve what I already have received.

That's the beauty of grace. When we've wandered out past the barriers God has placed around us for our security, grace is what comes out to get us. Grace is what ushers us back in- telling us that we have been missed. Grace is what makes it seem like we have never wandered at all.

Sin isn't about breaking rules. Sin is about actions that break God's heart. Sin is about living in a way that is in contrast to the beauty God has planned for us.

Its time for our Sunday Special.

Since I've been away on vacay- I thought we'd do a vacation top 5 this week...

Top Five Things I Love About Being Away-

1. Turning my cell phone off- and just not caring who calls or texts
2. Being able to take time each day just to think
3. Not having a set schedule
4. SLEEEEEEEEP
5. Good food

Simple things, but so very good things.

beauty and terror

Alaska is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. It has landscapes that literally leave me breathless. From the majesty of a soaring eagle or the power displayed when the glaciers calve, this is a place that is full of adventure and wonder. Its overwhelming and awesome. Everything about it encompasses you and you give in to the sheer delight of this wilderness.
As beautiful as this place it, it can be sly and deceptive. The same glaciers that enthrall could very well kill. The mountains that paint the horizon with points of inspiration can very well be someone’s path to destruction. It’s a beautiful place, but its also a terrible place.
How is it that something so beautiful can be so destructive? That living amidst the wonder and majesty can come at such high a price? That living in a place that oozes with life and zest could very well be the catalyst for your untimely death?
Things of such beauty and power are always a gamble. You never know whether it will end up in exhilaration or terror. You never know when you choose to enter and interact with a place like this whether you will come out triumphant or broken. It could be oh so good, but it could also go so wrong.
Love is the Alaska of the heart. You never know when you choose to love people whether it will end up beautiful or terrible. You never know whether you will come out the other end whole or in half. You never know whether love will be a live giving event or a life taking event. Love is a gamble. It can be majestic as the mountains, as calm as the coast line, and as enduring as the horizon. However, it could also be terrible as the brutal Alaskan winters or as cruel as one of natures creatures in the middle of winter.
It can leave you feeling amazed and enthralled, or it can leave you feeling beaten and alone.
It it, and always will be, both beautiful and terrible. Love is a gamble. Love is a wilderness. But you always come out the other side changed. And wiser. Which just might be the point of it all anyway.

Saturday Morning Madness...

Some people I know have started a discussion centered around what they call "the problems about Jesus".

The problem of Jesus is defined as this- Jesus declared Himself as the way, the truth, and the life, and some people have trouble accepting that this is the only way to "salvation."

I'm sure that once I give the theology and logic behind this problem a bit more thought, I will have more intelligent things to say.

But for now- this is what I have.

The things that create problems and cause us to stop and struggle, usually these are the things worth struggling with and figuring out.

That the important thing about the problem of Jesus is that it gets us thinking, reflecting, and searching out the truth.

That even if its a problem for you to claim Jesus as the only way, at least you are admitting that there is a way to find.

Its important to not get so wrapped up in finding the answers as in gaining the experience and wisdom that comes with living your way into the answers.

Long story short: enjoy the problems. They create the interesting tension in life.

Every Monay Matters

AMBER- America's Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response

76% of the children who are abducted children who are murdered are dead within 3 hours of the abduction and 88.5% are dead within 24 hours.

We can't afford not to pay attention to AMBER alerts.

You would want someone to look out for your child.

What can you do?
Pay attention to the alerts on the freeway.

Download the application to your computer and text message.

Pay a bit more attenion.

All it requires to help protect our children, is a bit of attention.

The End of an Era

My little sister left for college this week.
That's weird in and of itself.

I still call her my "little" sister even though she is 18 and onher way to being an adult.

But when I picture her, I still see the little seven year old running around the Christmas tree is pj's with her goggle and snorkel on. She's been the baby for forever. And always will be.

Still, she has grown up and moved away to college. The last of us to leave.

Its crazy because as she was moving into her dorm, I actually passed through my hometown.

I stopped at home for a while and I went up to look for something in her bathroom.

And there on her vanity- hanging from a light fixture- was her leather cord cross necklace.

Now I can count on one hand the number of times in recent history I have seen that girl without that particular necklace on. It was her thing. Her signature look. She wore that thing out.

So to see that left behind as she moved on was a sign to me.

That she really has moved on. That she is growing up. That she is starting the next chapter of her adult life. And that she is going to be just fine. That she is ready for it.

You see- her ability to leave her cross hanging there-signals to me her ability and willingess to approach whatever life holds in store for her in this new time of life and not getting trapped by the past chapters. Yet, the fact that she kept the cross and hung it somewhere she could see it told me that she wasn't trying to erase the past. That she is able to look back and see the lessons learned and remember the good memories made.

My little sister is all grown up and moving on. And I couldn't be prouder.

Top Five

Went to the fair last night. Brought back some nostalgia. So here we go for this week's edition of top five:

Things I Miss About Being a Teenager:
1. Going to school- and getting to see your friends all day every day.
2. Football games on Friday nights (ok I still get to go to these but its a little different)
3. Summer vacation!!!!!
4. Passing notes in the hallway between classes
5. Somebody else cooked dinner (at least in our household)

There is this story about a man on an African safari deep in the jungle. The guide before him had a machete and was wacking away the tall weeds and thick underbrush. The traveler, wearied and hot, asked in frustration, "Where are we? Do you know where you are taking me? Where is the path!?" The seasoned guide stopped and looked back at the man and replied,

"I am the path."

Did you hear that? That quiet exhalation, so unconscious it almost could go unoticed. But happened out of relief. Did you feel the lightening of your shoulders? The little flip of joy in your heart. Well, I did.

It's nice to be reminded that I don't have to see clearly where I am going. I just have to see clearly the One who is leading me.

I need the reminder that I don't have to follow a certain path, I just have to follow a certain Guide. For He is the Way.

Every Monday Matters #2- Turn Off the Box

Turn Off Your TV!

How often do we miss opportunities for great conversations because we have the TV on?
How often do we get invested in TV shows instead of in people's lives?
I'm not saying all TV is bad. In fact its a guilty pleasure of mine.

But I am saying that maybe we use it as a crutch too much.

Its a time pit.

So this week- I'm going to watch TV less.

Read more. Make phone calls. Clean my house.

Do that thing I"ve been putting off for months.

This Monday. I'm turning off my TV.

Sunday a Day Late

--not been good about blogging last week. Hopefully this week will be a little bit smoother and allow for more creative time.

Sunday's Top Five- 5 Things I Love About My Job (since yesterday I wanted to quit...)

1. getting to share in people's lives in an unique way
2. looking out at the congregation on Sunday morning and seeing people who are genuinely happy to be there
3. spending time with young people as they figure out how to live out their faith in their own way
4. watching young people grow in God and discover who He has created them to be
5. Hugs- you get alot of hugs in my job. I love it.

Every Monday Matters

52 Mondays in a Year.

52 Ways to Make the World A Better Place.

Starting Today.

Monday 1- What Matters the Most

Apparently, the average person spends 100 hours communting to work versus the 80 hours of vacation time.

91 hours per work week for a dual career family with kids.

1.8 hours a day on household chores.

2.6 hours a day watching tv.

That's messed up. We should spend more time doing stuff that actually matters. We should invest our time in the things that last. Not that the things that will end.

What to do about it?
1. Stop and think- make the list of what matters most to you.

2. Create a list of how you currently spend your time.

3. Organize your list and identify activities that are optional and waste time.

4. Rearrange your schedule so you can spend time doing what matters most.

5. Don't waste time.

What matters most to me:

1. my faith- continuing to grow in my relationship with God. moving past complacency.

2. my family- i'm including friends in this category, cause they are the family too.

3. myself- I often let myself take backseat and at this point in my life I need to devote sometime to creating a healthy happier me.

Top Five

My family and I play a game which we have dubbed "Top Five." We pick a category and then every goes around giving their top five in the category. I am trying to get more dedicated about writing every day- so Sundays (due to it being my extreme work day) are going to become my "Top Five" days.

Today's category: Top 5 Things- that I forget to be thankful for

1. Home- the security and identity that comes from having a happyone
2. Hugs- I forget how much physical affection really encourages me
3. Sight- I watched the sun rise this morning and realized how awful it would be to not be able to visually experience it
4. Adults who shepherded me as a teenager- and still continue to do so
5. Change- often I fight it, but I know it pushes me to grow.

We have a tendency to get used to stop signs. There is a place near my home, where there is a stop sign that is rarely noticed. People slow down, sometimes even pause- but very few people come to a full and complete stop. And someday- this is going to end badly. There is going to be an accident. Someone is going to get hurt.

When did stop signs become optional? When did they become something that we might see but not respond to? When did we become numb to what they mean? When did bright red signs stop signaling danger or caution?

Stop signs come in so many forms in our lives. And we have become numb to them. When our bodies, our spirits, our hearts start throwing their version of stop signs in our way, too often we continue to barrel down the road we are on. We forget to pause- assess the situation and figure out what the danger might be. We forget that when certain things start trying to slow us down to look and see if we are about to run into something or run over somthing. Often these stop signs come in the form of pain. Whether its heartache, or heart break. Times when our spirits hurt. We forget that the pain is often there to signal that something is amiss in our lives. We try to ignore the pain. Work through it. Bury it under our busyness. We forget that the pain is there for a reason. Often- its there to warn us to stop and slow down and see what lies ahead of us.

There was an episode of Grey's Anatomy that worded it better than I ever could.

"Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can olny hope it goes away on its own. Hope that the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subdue..."

Stop signs serve a purpose. Sometimes you need to stop for awhile until the danger passes. Until its safe to move again. Until you have a clear way to continue on. We need to start noticing the stop signs again.

"To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit...."

-Stephen Hawking

Too often I forget that life is not about the here and now. I get caught up in work, school or lack thereof, relationships, etc and I forget that in the end it really doesn't matter. I get caught up in work. I get frustrated, out of whack, and cranky when work goes bad. I have a tendency to let work define me because I forget that there is more to life than work. I stress about school, grades, and whether I'm going to pursue another degree or not. I base my self esteem on what my grades are. I get caught up in relationships- ones that go well, ones that go bad, and the ones that cease to exist. I let these determine my mood and how I feel about myself on a given particular day.

Why do I let such circumstancial things determine me? Why do I get caught up in things that change from moment to moment, day to day instead of remembering that there are more things in heaven and earth.

I forget that this is not permanent. This is not eternal. That this earth will end. That life is about much more than grades, salary, size, home. That faith, hope, love. Those are the things that in the end will matter. That will last. That will follow us long past our mortal lives.

I just have a tendencey to forget that.

Notice Me!

I went to the youth building yesterday in search of caffine.
But what I found was a white napkin taped to the door of the refrigerator with a note on it written in blue marker. The note said:

"I bet no one even notices me."

At first I smiled, because I'm pretty sure I know the person behind the note.
But I kept thinking about it. It was like a one of those headaches that aren't strong enough to really hurt, but are just present enough to nag you.

I decided its because people are all the doing things just to see if someone notices. And I wonder, how many people actually notice?

Recently, our town has grieved its way through a string of teenage suicides. I think these were last ditch, tragic efforts of kids to get people to notice what they were going through.

But we need to notice people before things get that tragic.

People tape figurative notes to themselves every day. In can be in the shape of words spoken, things gone unspoken, through cloths worn, piercings gotten, hair color, tattoes.

Are we noticing? Do we see the people right in front of our faces?
Are we noticing the people who desperately need us to notice them?

Sanctuary

"in the cathedrals of New York and Rome, there is a feeling you should just go home, and spend a lifetime, figuring out just where that is..."

-Jump Little Children

I was sitting in church this morning during the late service and since I had already heard the sermon at the first service, I'll admit that my mind started to wander when hearing it for the second time.

I admired the way the light reflected in through the stained glass windows and sparkled beautifully on our pristine white walls. I admired the deep color of the pews and the way our church homey and inviting. I'll admit, I was having a "our sanctuary is just so beautiful" moment in my head.

And I started to think about what a sanctuary was really. Sanctuary. That word. Hmm..... Sanctuaries are supposed to be places of security. A haven. A place of absolute safety and absent of things to fear. Whenever I think of sanctuaries I am taken back to that scene in the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" when the gypsy Esmeralda was running from the soldiers (because being a gypsy was against the law back then) and she runs up to the Cathedral Notre Dame and bangs on the door and cries for "Sanctuary!"

Crying for sanctuary back then meant that the church would protect you. That the soldiers or anyone else couldn't pursue you into the church. That it served as a haven. A place where you didn't have to fear being hunted or attacked.

And I'm assuming this ties in with our idea of holding worship in sanctuaries today. That they be places of security. Of safety. A place where we can be authentic and have no fear of attack. But maybe church isn't that safe and secure place for you? Maybe a physical church "sanctuary" doesn't offer you much comfort or ease your anxiety at all.

Often (of course this is exacerbated because its my place of employment) I leave church with knots in my stomach. Or I'm anxious about people I might have made mad with leadership decisions I"ve had to make that day. I sit in my so called sanctuary and often I worry, fret, and just wait for the next attack. It often doesn't seem like much of a sanctuary.

However, there is this lovely bike trail I ride everyday. It goes along the river and is shaded by trees and has birds. Its simply wonderful. I always feel safe, secure, and peaceful as I ride down this trail. It feels like a sanctuary to me. Much more than my church's building does.

So I wonder, maybe sanctuary doesn't necessarily have to be a place of religious worship. Maybe sanctuaries come in all different shapes and sizes. Maybe they can be bike trails. Or coffee shops. Or emails. Or a friend's house. Or a mother's embrace. Maybe sanctuary can be found in all sorts of people, places, and things.

And maybe we aren't finding it, because we are looking for our preconceived notions of what it should be. Instead of the forms it actually appears in.

Where is your sanctuary? Would you even recognize it if you found it?

Unspoken

Have you ever noticed that in the Bible you only get the stories from one person's perspective? That there is only one narrator and one person whose thoughts, feelings, emotions, and statements that you get a clear picture of?

What about all the other people in the story? Its struck me recently that maybe as important as what is said in stories in the Bible (or actually just in life maybe) is what goes unsaid. Whose voice you don't hear from. Whose perspective you aren't able to see. Because they have a story too.

I was reading the story of David and Bathsheba recently and I noticed that there is very little about Bathsheba in the story. Besides the fact she was beautiful and loved by David, we find out very little about her. Did she love David? Did she love Uriah? Did her heart break at Uriah's death? Was she relieved at Uriah's death? Did she go willingly to David? Did part of her know that it was wrong? Was she torn in two over this decision?

I know the Bible is a tool God uses to teach us about Himself. That the words within it hold power and sway over our lives. But sometimes I wonder, if the words that aren't in there possible just as powerful.

I'm going to start seeking out what goes unspoken. Intentionally searching for the voices unheard, the perspecitives unshared.

Perhaps there's just as much truth and power in what goes unspoken as there is in what is said loud and clear.

"For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountains of fresh flowing living waters, and then dug cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water." -Jeremiah 2.13

Let it go, Jeremiah. Who cares where they get their drink of water? I mean, what's the big deal? So the people have changed water sources? Only since Jeremiah is a prophet, we should assume he is speaking metaphorically here. And the metaphor is: the Israelites have forgotten their eternal and unending God and turned toward mortal and temporal worship.

And once again, Jeremiah speaks truth not only into that ancient situation, but into my life today. For you see, I have a problem with faith. I just don't have enough of it.

I say I trust God, but I put more trust in my health insurance. I say I love God, and yet my friends or my figure get more of my time and devotion than He does. I say I believe He has a plan that is unfolding in my life, yet I worry and run back and forth down paths trying to figure out which one is right. I say I know He will provide fresh flowing water for my life, but I consistenly carry around a water bottle.

Why am I seeking refreshment from a broken, cracked, limited cistern when I have access to uneding, ever flowing, living water?